A Massager in Marshalls


Dear woman with the pink scarf who stared at me in Marshalls,

Let me try to explain. Sometimes I think I read too much into things. Sometimes I feel more insightful than others. And, “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar,” said Freud.

After you saw me, I posted this picture in Facebook, accompanied by:

“The other day, I went for lunch with friends and then we wandered through a few shops. In Marshalls, I spied this Zone Renew massage roller wand covered in little silicon numbs. I’m not actually sure what zone is supposed to be, err… renewed. Regardless, for some reason there was only one left on the shelf.”


Why is it that we look at something in a different way? And why is the “different way” often as viewed from the gutter? After all, I wasn’t reminded of a rolling pin. Nor a curling iron. I wasn’t even reminded of what it was. Did the designer intend for it to look like a sex toy, thinking it would be eye-catching on the shelf?

I don’t know. But as you know, I stood in the middle of Marshalls and laughed my ass off.  And then you were there, a pink scarf wrapped around your head, looking at me over the top of a rack full of discount iPhone cases. You didn’t just send me a strange look- you actually stopped and turned to watch me. You did not smile. Which made me laugh harder. Like laughing in church.

I felt the need to justify myself, but what would I say? “Err… Hi. I just thought this thing here looked like… Err… Is it just me, or …?  The thing is. Well, it reminded me of…”

Instead, I walked away and found my friends.  And then circled back later to take a picture. I felt a little crazy, but the fact is I was enjoying myself immensely. Sometimes life is absurd.

Sure, someone might have looked at the massager in Marshalls and and saw a simple massager. But where’s the fun in that?  Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. But sometimes it’s a penis.

I hope that explains things.




4 thoughts on “A Massager in Marshalls

  1. Well my God! Even at almost 70 I can’t think of any other thing it could be! I love to laugh….the very best medicine! Had I been in the pink scarf (my fav colour!) I would have joined in enthusiastically, Geoff.
    A little laugh back atcha. Out for dinner with B&J and my friend Annie last week. When it came time to pay & the waitress asked if we needed a machine, Annie replied without skipping a beat “No thanks I have one in my bedside table!”👵🏻Auntie C

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